u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
