dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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