Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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