where am i from again
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
