you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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