Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Well I just put wine in my tea
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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