It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
there is puke in my bra ... again
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