Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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