My sheets look like a crime scene.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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