you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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