i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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