The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
