She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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