whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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