There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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