Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
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