Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
She told me I should be a condom model.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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