He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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