i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
