Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
