I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
