The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
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