My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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