Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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