I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
