I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Randomize
