i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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