i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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