id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Randomize
