After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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