I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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