JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
