Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
