Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
