The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
