You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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