The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
My day in three words: secret purse cake
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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