Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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