i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
