I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
