i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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