After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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