Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
