You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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