there's paper in my vomit.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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