I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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