Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
