upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
