so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize