He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
