so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
