There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
