I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
