That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
