My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
