I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I CAN MOONWALK!
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
