I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
it's like iHOP with fire
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
