You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
