I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
worst night to have a conscience
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
