I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
