So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
