Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
