Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
