Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
