He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
