He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
