the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I am spending my child support on dildos
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
