She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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