I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
